Restoring Your Family After Addict’s Assault
Restoration from addict assault is a tough topic that requires tough love and tough decisions and deep healing. But, there is hope! The abuse can stop and the healing can begin, but the hardest part may be when boundaries will have to be set and kept. The way out is to begin by taking an accurate assessment of where you are.
Many grandmothers are being taken advantage of by drug abusing grandchildren. It’s hard for a loving grandmother, who wants the best for her children and grandchildren to understand why someone would treat a loved one with such disrespect. However, natural reasoning becomes impossible when their only reason for any activity is their next high. But, we have the promise of Psalms 16:22 which says, “In thy presence is fullness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures forevermore.” This scripture is absolutely true, in all situations, all of the time, even in the midst of addiction and family turmoil.
You must never give up hope that their lives will be turned around. However, you must not set expectations based on the fallacy that they can be reasoned with, for it will just lead to more heartache for you. You must not play thier game by badgering. You must always plant positive words, attitudes and actions for you never know when these will take root and burst forth into new life. Know this, you must receive encouragement so you can encourage them, even when they are discouraged and discouraging you.
Drug addicts are dying everyday especially with the resurgence of Heroin. Let me say I’m not a drug counselor, which is a great and necessary job, but I am one of those mothers and grandmothers who have been devastated by drug use in my family.
Here are some signs that addiction is assaulting your children and needs to be dealt with now before there is a fatal overdose.
1) Sullen attitude
2) Withdrawal from with family
3) Closed doors and closed conversation
6) Drop in grades, drop out of school activities
7) Questionable friends who present poor attitudes
8) Money goes missing. You always think, maybe I put the cash somewhere else or didn’t have as much as I thought.
9) Emotionally. Spiritually, or mentally broke. You know your kids, admit something is wrong
10) Blame or Blackmail. They accuse you of not loving them, use their kids to manipulate money for a car or whatever else they need.
11) Bait and Switch: They ask for money for electric bill, but always have money for cigarettes and worse, for drugs.
You must take the initiative! Here are ways to short the addiction circuit, which is the first step toward family restoration.
1) Interrupt their withdrawal. Remember, some withdrawal is common in adolescence, but when it becomes obsessive, time to intrude.
2) Interrupt their tantrum. Don’t participate. The best way to interrupt is to simply walk away.
3) Adult Time Out. The adult time-out is a time-out from money. If they really throw a fit when the money dries up you know you have a hidden addiction
4) Make demands. They will say they’re sorry because they know that’s what you want to hear, but say don’t be sorry be different and then give clear directives, tasks, or goals that must be met, in a timely fashion, with a good attitude, before any money reappears. If they will not acquire, you have an addiction.
5) Talk to school counselor, teacher or principal to monitor school behavior, never take their word, “Everything is fine.” or “None of your business.” It’s all your business!
6) Intrude! Monitor their social engagements and activity. You have house rules, they are to be respected or there will be consequences. Carry through with these.
7) Hide your cash and your checkbook, change all your passwords. Protect your privacy, maintain control of what is your responsibility.
8) Seek counseling when the need first presents itself before it progresses to cutting, depression or suicide.
9) Practice tough love. Be consistent and stedfast in your guidelines . If they sway you it will be worse for them or the kids.
10) Cut off all personal support. Point them toward government help. Recognize, if they make excuses for not getting help then they are addicted to your support. Danger! You are in the red zone! If the problem has been going on for more than one year, if there is little or no progress on the job front, if you do not have a support budget and keep that budget, if they are using their children’s needs to control your pocketbook then you have become an enabler addict! If you continue enabling you could well open the door for total disaster!
11) No bailouts. If they go in, let them stay in. Much healing can come during an extended time out with the law.
All enabling, as subtle as it may arrive, is based on the lack of belief that God can change your children, without your help. Your faith in God must be restored. The best thing you can do is pray them into God’s hands and then take your hands off! To do that you will need support. You need to be restored to a place of powerful prayer and faith if you are going to save your family! Find a good counselor, stay connected with other grandmothers, get into a Word church, rebuild your hope – rebuild your faith that God can and will deliver your grandchildren, even if it’s through the tough boundaries of the law. Remember, awesome grandmother – God is faithful. The key to restoring your family is to let God have His way, in His time and then you will open the door to having your family restored!
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Sam is a businessman, writer, entertainer, speaker, husband, father to five children, grandfather and great grandfather. Sam graduated from Huntington University with a B.A. in psychology and drama and pursued a degree in Broadcasting from Illinois Central College with graduate degree in Christian Ministry from Christian Leadership University. Sam is the creator of Granpa Cratchet, one of the most successful touring shows in the history of the live events industry. Millions of people see Granpa every year all across the United States at fairs and festivals. His characters have appeared on every major network: Good Morning America, Entertainment Tonight, The Today Show (4 times). Sam and his characters have made over 500 local appearances and on all the major networks; NBC, CBS, ABC, ESPN, PBN, The LeSea Network, The PTL Network and Praise the Lord. They currently appear all around the world every week on YouTube and Facebook, and on several satellite networks via the Kidz Television Network and The Captain Hook (children's) Show.
Debbie, read each article and I’m so thankful you have been led to share your kind heart with us. So blessed by you wisdom and writing talent. Prayers for your family always!