Estranged Grandparents Grief

Grief can be the loss of many things.  Life, a dream, a job, losing your grandchildren, or challenges with your kids. Many grandparents don’t get to parent their grandkids in the way of grandparents. When they are kept from their precious young ones it is heartbreaking. How does anyone cope when the grandkids are alienated from them? We have an adorable granddaughter we have not been allowed to see since she was 4. She is now 10, gorgeous and looks just like my son who has passed. I started a scrapbook on her life, and it abruptly ended when she turned 4.

It’s hard to understand how anyone could keep a child from love when this world has so much hate. Don’t we all need to love each other and make the world a better place? Who could deny a child the privilege of growing up with grandparents?  You must understand, the person who does this has many issues going on in their lives. They may lack self-esteem and feel threatened to be underscored in the love department of their kids. They may have control issues, and want total control of their kids. This is an unhealthy attitude which will effect not only their lives, but those around them.

Many parents are overwhelmed with activities, work, or commitments. They don’t want to fit anything else in their schedule, like grandparents. You must fit easily in the lives of your kids or grandkids, go to their ballgames, award ceremonies, or birthdays. Be a calm presence, not intrusive. Text your grandkids, for this is where they live, you can be a part of their lives in their arena.

As you work through the stages of grief, such as anger or depression, you must go through acceptance to go on. This does not mean you agree with the actions, but you allow God to take control as you follow His leading. This is a big re-alignment in the emotional chaos that is going on. For there is emotional upheaval on both sides, even if the perpetrators don’t acknowledge it.

Live your best life. Eventually the kids will get a glimpse and this will influence your grandkids. Sow seeds and the kids will see the harvest. Come up with creative ways to reveal these glimpses. If you are allowed to see them at Christmas, make the it the most memorable holiday ever.

Put cards, pictures, or letters up for them so they will know you thought of them and made an effort. I put some in my hope chest- that’s why they call it hope chest!

Don’t get drug in the mud with them and make it a battle. Be better than that. Be kind and courteous. Check in your area for grandparents rights, be aware this may create hard feelings from your grandkids’ parent who won’t allow visits. The result may be bitter or angry information that is not true, passed onto the kids via their parent.

Intervene if there is any proof of drugs, abuse, or neglect. Even if you suspect you can call CPS. Just don’t call them out of spite.

Prayer works! You can influence the lives of these kids without seeing them. God will intervene on your behalf. I have a friend who had a vision of the prayers of her grandmother for her. There was a huge bowl before God who was inhaling the aroma and content of her grandmother’s prayers for her. How powerful is that?

Remember to keep your eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of your faith, who for the joy before him, endured many things. (Hebrews 12;2) Keep the eternal perspective as we press in, while we anticipate and see the bountiful harvest of all that we have sown.

Love, Debbie